I’m 27 years old and I’ve been battling addiction since I was 17.  I was in an abusive relationship for 8 years, and at the end when I finally built up enough strength to let go, I found out I was pregnant and felt like the right thing to do was to stay.  Eight months later I found out my baby girl had been dead inside me for over a week, and I ended up almost dying during my delivery.  I can say I gained the strength to get out of the relationship, but my weakness came to pills to cover up the pain and try to temporarily erase the memories.  I can honestly say if it wasn’t for my addiction, I wouldn’t be sitting in jail now with the embarrassment of betraying people who have given me multiple chances and never judged me for my mistakes.  Now, as a mother of a beautiful 6-year-old girl and a handsome 2-year-old boy, I can say this is the hardest situation I’ve ever had to face.  Not knowing when I’m going to be able to hold my children or witness all their achievements in school, all because I chose pills and being greedy when I didn’t even need to be.  I don’t have family to help me get through this because when my mom died when I turned 21, I literally lost everything.  Even through the trauma I’ve come to accept the consequences for my actions.  I don’t have a court date nor an out date, and it’s scary to sit in here not knowing anything, but with prayer and letting God take full control to guide me down the right path, I know I’m going to be okay.  My kids are all the motivation I need to want to do the next right thing.  I know God does everything for a reason, and if I didn’t end up here I would probably be dead.  My dream is reaching out to help someone who has been through or who is going through a similar situation to show them that they don’t have to cover up the pain with illegal substances and to show them any pain that they overcome just shows them how strong they actually are.  My dream is to beat this addiction so my kids have their mommy and to prove to myself that I am worth so much more.

“The storm God sent to break you may be the storm God used to make you”

Ashley

An incarcerated mother and recovering addict

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